Nobody Ever Died Of A Broken Heart, Until Now
by Shan Sawyer Snape Malfoy
Summary: Snape and Shan Are in love... until Snape is killed by Voldomort. Shan Is Depressed and is in need of comfort in a friend. Will Shan And Draco be able to sort through their problems and loss, or will a kiss cause the another death? A rather Angsty One-Shot


**Disclaimer: **I only own Shan Grimoire, The rest belongs to JK. If i did own These characters, you wouldn't be reading this on an electrical device. It would be on paper. I just like to use J.K's characters and mess up their lives :)

A/N: This is 50 Thousand Tears I've Cried. But a new name i found and i reckon it fits better than the old one.

No Flames Or Non-Constructive criticism Please. :D

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My eyes closed and i buried my head further into the green jumper that i had surrounded myself in. I breathed in the heavenly scent knowing it would soon fade. I need relief, So badly. That's it though, I can't cry. I can't release the grief that threatens to overwhelm me. I stay dry-faced and throw glares at anyone who dares try comfort me. I'm in a flood of pain and misery, an endless cycle of nothing. I clutch Severus' jumper and close my eyes and once again fight the horrific battle of trying not to let go. To still feel and not fall into the pit of sheer emptiness I feel. He is dead. Severus is Gone. MY Severus. Our relationship had started years before the last battle, And during that time, we'd both developed such an affection for one and other, that one might call it love. True Love. Our age gap meant nothing to us, and all those fantastic moments that we spent together whizz though my mind every night. Death became my best friend over night when Severus was murdered. I even tried. I provoked Voldomort. Firing a range of spells, all tripping off my tounge. He deserved the pain I put upon him. Two words kept running through my mind. Revenge. Crucio. Revenge. Crucio. After all HE was the one who took my life away. My Love. Bastard. I had found Snape. I'd looked into my lovers eyes as he lay dying. I had watched the light leave his perfect obsidian eyes and feel his grip on my hand slacken and watch his head lull to the side. It was in the Shrieking Shack that i went mad. Rather fitting really. I'd gathered my lover in my arms and held him. Knowing that the man I loved wasn't there anymore. All I could hear were his last words to me, echoing through my mind.  
"Remember me,love" I had closed his eyes and had whispered  
"I Will Remember You"  
I intended to bury his body in Godric's Hollow, Next to lily...I knew he'd like that. I had taken his body to the great hall, to be treated like the rest of the hero's. I'd lifted his body into my arms, my arm under his knees, and he head under my other. I'd opened the huge doors, and stood in the doorway. There was silence as all heads turned towards me. Madame Pomfrey stood and walked towards me as I dropped to my knees. People were fussing around me in the suddenly overly warm room. I looked at them all through sightless eyes. I felt someone try to pull Severus' body away,I held on tighter. That was when I blacked out...  
After, I had returned to our shared dungeon quarters in Hogwarts,I had found a letter in his pillow case. My name was written in his elegant scrawl.

_**To, My Life, My Love, My Shan,  
I am so sorry that it had to be this way, that I had to leave you. I know that right now, you are probably in so much pain... But please remember that I am not anymore. Please do not act hastily, now that I am not there anymore, Please don't harm yourself, or shut yourself away. I need you to be strong, just for a while longer, live your life, and then we can be together. The dark lord will die. I am sure of it. But it must not be at your hands. I know how much of a powerful witch you are. MY witch, never forget that. I love you more than anything, forever and always. So I suppose I wrote this to say Farewell, For it is never goodbye. Love,  
Your Severus xxx  
P.S I enclosed where I want to be buried. And what I want written on your headstone. I Love you forever.**_

After reading the end of the letter I had been in my last flood of tears. That had been a month ago, A month of pure hate for everyone around me. I never even spoke anymore, barely ate. I was stuck in a painful routine. Sleep,grieve, shower, grieve, sleep. At the end of the day, I would always brew a potion. It's what we used to do together. Our time when it was just the two of us.

_**His arms wound their way around my body and rested on my hands as I began to prepare the potion that we practised every night.  
"The monkshood next,my love" came Snape's deep delicious drawl in my ear.  
He guided my hands, as always, as we chopped, sliced, and crushed the ingredients. Snape pressed against my back while we worked, and occasionally, I would turn her head and press a chaste kiss to his lips. Once our preparation was complete, I turned in his arms and entangled my hands in his silky black hair. After sharing a sweet kiss, I Finally spoke,  
"I love you Severus"  
"I love you too" I turned and we continued with brewing, Him guiding my hands expertly, while whispering words of beauty in my ear. Each syllable sent a shiver down my spine. As the potion finished we bottled it and lead each other to the bedroom where we lay on the bed and fell asleep in each others arms. **_

Now... Well its the worst at night. When I roll over and he's not there for me to wrap my arms around, or to bury my face in his chest. I can't take this anymore. Just as I stand to make my way to the shower, out of bed, there's a knock on the door. With my usually in-active curiosity piqued, I slowly unlock the door, still wearing Severus' jumper. As I pull the door open, I'm greeted by a most shocking sight.  
"Draco?" I whisper.  
He's a mess, his usually perfect hair is stuck to his forehead, dark circles under his eyes and his usually straight posture is slouched.  
"I need to talk to you shan, may I come in?"  
"Indeed" He stepped inside, and took and took a seat by the roaring fire.  
"What is it Draco?" Draco didnt say a word, and I just sat there, my hands wrapped around my steaming mug of coffee.  
"Care for a cup?"  
He stares into the fire, and I watch the flames flicker behind tortured eyes. He nods.I conjure a cup filled with piping hot coffee and hand it to him. His fingers brush against mine, and they stay there for a moment. His eyes meet mine for a few moments, and I see something flash behind them before the cool mask sets back in place.  
I sigh and say  
"What do you need Draco?"  
This time, he looks at me square in the face and a single word slides through his lips. One that I relate to so well, that I stand and take a seat next to him, on the vast expanse of couch.  
"Relief"

I sit next to him and rest my head on his shoulder.  
"So do I, Draco. So do I.".  
Then as he wraps both arms around me, and pulls me to his chest, a tear falls from my eye and I'm momentarily shocked to find that floods of others follow.  
We spend hours talking about Severus. We both cry, we both laugh, but eventually, what were talking about sets in and we both sit silently for a few moments.

"I-i mi-miss him D-d-dray..."

"So do I"  
I look into his face to see that he's crying too. His fingers wipe away my tears and they linger on my lips far too long. As he gently brushes the hair out of my face and I hold his hand there. I sigh and I open my eyes to look into his. Then... He leant forward slowly, giving me chance to pull away. I don't move, even as his lips press briefly against mine before he moves away and lays his forehead against me..  
"Fuck...I'm so Sorry, shan." His breath fog's across my lips. I don't speak for a while. Then as he's about to move away, I move to straddle him and I kiss him again. My mouth moving in synch with his as he presses me to him. I feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest and all I can think about is his lips on mine. I forget about why he's here, and why we both still have tear tracks running down our faces. I hear Draco groan, and I'm pulled out of my stupor. I yank my face away and stand. It all comes flooding back, Severus...Draco...Grief.  
"Oh holy shit fuck. W-we can't do this Draco. He was your god father, he was-is- my fiancé!"  
Draco stood and draped an arm around my waist.  
"Yes, we can"  
"No. We can't"  
I shake my head and a few more tears slip down my face. He broods in silence a few moments  
"... Your right, I'm so sorry"  
"Just get out malfoy" I spit, suddenly feeling all my anger forcing its way up. I feel the barriers snapping back into place.  
"Fine"  
He doesn't move, so I shove him away.

"I said, . "  
Draco stood and walked out the door. As I slammed it closed, I leant back against it and slid down to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

Its been three weeks since Draco's visit. Since then I've drunk 12 Bottles of vodka and  
eaten 6 meals. There's hardly anything left of me and I know I don't have long left.I have people knock on my door three times a day, I don't answer to any of them. The only thing I do anymore, other than stare out of the window, is brew. That's the one thing that holds me to this world, My nightly brewing. But... This pain, I really can't think. Of anything that's worth living for here. What's to hold me here? Nothing. The only thing I need is Severus. Yes, its time.  
'Just a while longer'  
That's my only thought.  
My while is up. Its brewing time now, I stand and collect the ingredients for my new potion, one I've only ever brewed in seventh year. I finish my preparation and begin to brew... As I wave my wand to complete my long-awaited potion. A brief smile splay's over my lips. Something that's not happened in a very long time. Alas, my potion is ready. Time for Draught Of Living Death.

I'm fading away... My letter on the bed for those who find it... I'm going... I'm going... I'm...gone. The light... It comes so much closer...A shadow standing in the bright irradiance. His arms welcoming me home. A breathy name escapes my lips,  
"Severus..."

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A/N: Sorry about any mistakes, I Hope you all  
enjoyed it. If anyone has any ideas for me, send me a PM  
If anyone woud be so kind as to Betta all my work for me, I would be forever grateful. :D

Filling The Paper With The Breath Of My Heart

Shan xx


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